I'm technically still a Mormon although I haven't been active now for over three years. A friend posted a video on facebook from a website I'm sure is in response to all those "...and I'm a Mormon..." videos, but in the videos from this website the subjects explain how they came to be ex-Mormons and the significant impact it has had on their lives. The website is iamanexmormon.com and if any of you are struggling with your feelings towards the church or have left the church I encourage you to check it out. If you aren't Mormon check it out anyway. It's a new website so there aren't many videos, but in my opinion they're worth watching.
The reason I'm bringing this subject up is because I've been feeling I should remove my name from the records of the church for some time now. I think it would help me to sever the very thin ties I still have with the church and bring the closure that is needed for me to completely let go and move on. I just wonder why it's taken me so long to do so. Oh well, it's going to happen soon enough.
My feelings toward the church are not those of hatred but rather those of disappointment. Disappointment with the hypocrisy, lies, and ignorance. Many people in the church mean the world to me and I love them so much, but they were the only reason I stayed active as long as I did. Church was a social function for me-as I know it is for many people who attend-but that's all it was for me for a very long time. I didn't really have a testimony and I didn't want those I loved to be upset or disappointed with me, so I put on the facade everyday to keep questions from being asked. That was until I couldn't lie anymore. I couldn't lie to them or to myself any longer. So one Sunday I woke up and when I would've normally been getting ready to head to church, I told myself I was done. From that day I haven't been to church.
I'm not going to say my life has been perfect since that pivotal decision, in fact, I think it's been more difficult in some aspects, but the important thing is I'm a happier me because of it. I'm happier than I've ever been! Minus my depression. Haha! I'm working on it! I'm a less judgmental person willing to accept others as they are and not try to change them. I'm happier because I can be myself without feeling guilty, dirty, or sinful. I see the world with a wonder I never have before and I love it! I feel closer to others as I never have before. This life has so much to offer and for me the church restricted those offers. So I'm proud to say I am a soon to be an ex-Mormon! I'll probably write more on this subject later, but for now I can't write anymore about it. Need to get my thoughts straightened out. Thanks for reading!
